Faithful

I can't even begin to describe everything I'm feeling right now. My heart is literally bursting with awe, with thankfulness and disbelief. I got the job and I can scarcely believe it, even now. I can't believe how many blessings God has just poured out. Literally, the timing could not have been more perfect. Everything is falling into place like carefully shaped puzzle pieces that could ONLY have been orchestrated by God. Moving to my new apartment was a huge leap of faith. One that I doubted many times. I was tempted to give into the gnawing fear and questioning of whether I was doing something crazy. All along God's plan was unfolding before me in a remarkable way. He reminded me of his promises CONSTANTLY and when I was tempted to doubt or give way to despair he clothed me with a peace and a strength wholly not my own. How can I even explain to you the nights when I felt life was spinning out of control. The nights I cried out, quite literally, shouting in my car wondering what in the world was going on. Wondering how in the world I was going to pay for everything. While in every moment God was working everything out! How FAITHFUL our God is. How loving and merciful and so full of grace He is. I have never felt this close to God and looking back I can see how every second of every day he was giving me the greatest gift of all. He was giving me time to lean on him. Time to discover a deeper relationship with Him and to discover much about myself. What a wonderful testament to his plan. While I'm on a mountain top right now I know things will not always be this way. Change is the only sure thing in this world and although my circumstances may throw me for a loop my God will NOT be shaken. "My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name." To God be the Glory! Psalm 118..amazing..I am in awe of You, Lord.

"Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree"

I had the coolest experience yesterday! It was just a total God thing. So my friend Deborah and I were meandering around downtown Greenville for several hours waiting for the July 4th fireworks to start. There are a lot of little stores near the reedy river where local artists and photographers have set up shop. :) We ended up going into the gallery and studio of Guy Stevens, a local artist. I've been looking around for different pieces of artwork for my new apartment and was just browsing when I came across this absolutely beautiful print.

I know I won't do it justice with words but in my clumsy non-artistic language I'll try to sum it up. It is a gorgeous depiction of a tree near an ocean. The sun is just starting to fall beneath the waves and the colors and movement are honestly breathe taking. When studying the tree you can see that it looks slightly weathered and although the branches are leaning out towards the ocean, the base of the tree is standing tall. You can almost hear the wind whirling through the leaves and tossing waves when you gaze at it. I'm one of those people that doesn't want to buy a piece of art unless it "speaks" to me. This painting was doing just that. When Deborah saw it the first thing out of her mouth was "Wow, it's 'How He Loves Me'!" The lyrics to the song include "He is jealous for me. Love's like a hurricane; I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy." The words captured the picture perfectly.

Before I purchased it we asked the artist the name and what had inspired him to paint it. He responded that the painting's name was "Bermuda Tree" and he had come across the tree after a hurricane. (just crazy, but it gets better!) Turns out, this tree was the only one left standing for miles around after a hurricane had whipped through the island. It was literally bending towards the ocean but holding on strong against the storm waged against it. I was in awe when he shared this. What a beautiful depiction of Christ and his love for us. I mean seriously, it could not have fit more perfectly. Just another reminder of God's unsurpassed understanding and love.

I love moments like that...when God just surprises you with glimpses of himself. As though he says "Daughter, you may be beaten, even broken..but through me you are still standing."

"I know that the Lord is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods. The Lord does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths. He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightening with the rain and brings wind from his storehouses...Your name, O Lord, endures forever, your renown, O Lord, through all generations." ~Psalm 135:5-7, 13

Just a thought

So it has been almost six months since the four days that literally flipped my world around and changed everything, Passion 2010. It blows my mind and absolutely makes me speechless to look at the ways my life changed from December 2009 to January 2010. It wasn’t just the incredible speakers or the breathe taking worship or the call God placed on my life...God met me at Passion 2010. He forced me to stop living my day to day life asking for his guidance occasionally and glancing over my bible at night. He gently brought me to my knees until I could only look up in awe. I was humbled and I finally realized “wow, life really isn’t about me!” When God meets you like that nothing can be the same. That fire in my heart and soul that God lit those days hasn’t gone away. To be honest, sometimes I’m scared that it will. I am absolutely terrified of going back to who I was. Yes, I was a believer...but the past six months I have fallen completely, head over heels for the creator of my heart. It really is a relationship. I can tell a difference when, even now, I don’t pray or really dive into the word. It’s those days, when I feel farther away, I start to get scared that my heart has started to drift. Isn’t it just like us humans to look absolutely everywhere possible to find a “fill up” to our hearts when God is standing right beside us, holding out his hand the entire time. Sometimes I get SO frustrated with myself. To see the joy I find in God, the glow I feel in my entire being when in his presence…and still I start to idolize other things in my life above him. I mean, let’s be honest, idols can come from almost anything and can definitely be people and relationships as well. It’s so easy to rationalize our own choices and idols that we are often blinded by them. It’s for this reason we just have to lay everything at his feet. Even dreams of the future can be a hindrance. At Passion I KNOW God was calling me, whispering to my heart that there is something in this world I’m supposed to do; something NOT about me, bigger than me. It’s so crazy to have that call but not know exactly what it is yet. I do know for certain that there is something I am supposed to do and I’m quite certain medical missions may be a part of it. It makes me SO excited to think about! But God has also been reminding me lately that his own son had a 30 year season of preparation before his incredible three year ministry. It’s all about his timing and not my own. I suppose that when it’s time God will open the door wide and hopefully obviously. (Since sometimes I don’t get the subtle hints! lol) It’s so easy to wish away the beautiful days God gives us when our minds are only future centered. Yes, we do look toward the future with hope but the moments God gives us NOW are to be treasured as well. Who knows what God has planned? I finally get it. “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” It may sounds strange to the outside world but suddenly my life isn’t about me anymore. The other night I was running on the horse shoe (jamming out to some Crowder) and I just looked up to the beautiful storm rolling in that night. My heart felt so full of thankfulness and God was just there, surrounding me! In my heart I told God I would do anything, I would lose my life if that’s what he wanted. The response was almost instantaneous...”Live for me daughter, a much harder task.” OK, I’m sure some of you by now think I’m a little nutty. :) But I promise you I heard it loud and clear. So I guess that’s it, that’s what Paul meant. Living without God isn’t really living at all. And considering the last six months of my life compared to the 22 years before that...I’d say that’s about right.

~God is God and I am not~

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the phrase "God is good". A phrase that at times just rolls off of our tongues without truly being significant in our hearts. It is, of course, easy to utter these words during the times of certainty and harvest. It is another matter all together, however, to utter these words when we are uncertain, scared, or in a state of brokenness and pain. Lately, I have been in a time of waiting. This “waiting” covers SO many things: direction, a job, and relationships, just to name a few. I’m sure many of you can name at least one thing you are currently waiting on. Isn’t it interesting that in a world of uncertainty there always seems to be something to wait on? It is something I literally have to stop myself from obsessing about! It is hard when you're not sure and the things you thought would bring you security are taken out from under you. It is in these times that our faith and trust truly gets tested. It is also at these times we finally realize our only true security lies within Christ. We have the choice to believe that indeed God is good, that he will withhold NO good thing from us and that his plan is not to harm us. This is a truth that I, personally, have to repeat to myself every day. The enemy constantly seems to whisper lies that God is holding out on me and "what if's" surround me. If we have no truth to fight it with we sink and are choked with worry and obsessive thoughts. This is NOT how God intended it to be. It astonishes me how I vary from day to day emotionally. This is a sure fire sign that we cannot trust the constant over flow of emotions that bombard us day by day. The truth of His goodness has nothing to do with our circumstances or what may or may not happen in our lives. He is goodness itself and there is no darkness in Him! What an incredibly alien concept when we live in a world where we constantly let each other down and fight within ourselves. It is overwhelming to realize we will never be parted from Christ and his will for our lives is the BEST that can be! Even though we will go through dark times we have the light of the world walking right beside us holding our hand. How easy it is to forget this! True Peace and Joy are things that are not possible without Christ in our lives and these fruits inevitably flow from trust. The issue of trust is another loaded concept when we compare to the human equivalent of the word. Over and over, I’m sure; most of us have had circumstances in which our trust has been broken. Broken trust can be one of the most painful things to experience. It breaks a person to the core and to put it in very simplified terms shakes our hearts in a violent way. I plead you not to harden your heart when these things occur. By putting up a defense we not only keep hurt out, we keep love out as well. You are a miracle and God will complete the good work he has started in your life! How wonderful to know Christ will NEVER betray our trust, that in putting our trust in him we will never be let down or hurt. This is not to say difficult times will not arise but, rather, to say when they do we can be conquerors through Christ who is within us. It is so easy, when things do not “go our way”, to jump to anger, despondency or doubt. I have been there SO many times. To quote from one of my 06’ Brio & Beyond mags (I was cleaning my old room lol) “Instead of walking in freedom and really enjoying God, we get obsessed with ourselves. Obedience can be tough. Maybe what we forget is that God says no to free us up for his yes. We find his plan when we draw close to Him.” Our God is not careless with us. Let us proclaim boldly God is GOOD! When I am in pain, God is Good. When I cannot understand, God is Good. When I am victorious God is Good. “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” ~2 Corinthians 9:8,