A White Dress

Today I purchased my wedding gown. Even writing that seems surreal. How is it possible that in just a few months time my life could change so drastically? I thought I was to head one way and God steered me in a new way I could never have expected. I feel as though I could wake up from all of this at any moment. To be honest, I was completely given to the resolution that if I were to be single the rest of my life, it would be ok. I knew God would take care of me and no matter where I went in the world, He would be my protection and guide. He finally forced me to hand over something precious and dear. After months of healing and restoration I was finally ready to let go and trust God with whatever it was He had.  It's not as though I was giving up on marriage all together, rather, I was giving up on trying to do things my way. My way always seemed to lead to misplaced focus, putting others before God and ,many times, hurt. So here I was..bags packed for London, ready to live abroad for years..possibly even my whole life. The end of December I never expected a small reunion coffee date to turn into something so much greater. It was crazy to start to date Will. We both knew I was leaving for London soon...so when the call came in February that my visa was temporarily suspended and that the government agency responsible for my nursing license was undergoing an audit, I didn't know what to think. I was angry, to be honest. This was not my plan. I couldn't understand how God could take away something I had "wanted so badly".  So we continued to Skype and talk through the 500 mile distance between us. He in Nashville and myself in SC. Right away I knew there was something different this time. The love I saw in Will for Christ was indescribable. The way that this man points me back to Jesus is like nothing else. Our relationship was nothing that I could have manipulated to work. On the contrary, there were many reasons it shouldn't have worked. For the very first time I didn't feel lost in a relationship where the man became everything to me. Will is such an incredible man but He is not my god. That is something I must daily surrender at the cross. I can see how easily he could become that. I trusted him. I trusted him as a friend and confidant. I could be my silly, crazy self with him. I felt completely myself, not less of myself. I knew pretty early on that I was starting to love him. One week after He asked me to marry him, I received a call from my nurse recruiter. My application had been accepted by the UK government. Upon hearing the news, I didn't know what to do with it. I knew I wasn't going to move abroad, at least not at this point in my life...but then I was so confused because of the year and a half I put into trying to obtain my license. Was it all for not? I avoided calling them for two weeks. Finally I mustered the courage. I didn't know if finalizing my license would be worth it if it only lasted a year. I expressed my worry to the recruiter and she immediately responded "O' no, the license lasts your whole life!". I felt like a thick fog had finally lifted. So, in a few weeks I'm off to London. God opened the door wide for me not only to finalize my nursing license, but live with my sweet missionary friends as well. His timing is perfect. I'm learning so much about God's character through this season. He continues to teach me how to trust and open my heart wide to Him. It's so easy to become frustrated in the "in between"....in the waiting, or wanting, or striving. He is so very patient with us. How thankful I am to have a Savior who sympathizes with our weaknesses. 

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30