Too Many to Declare

Sometimes one must write just to understand what is going on in their minds. I feel a little like that tonight. I have always thought myself open to changes...anticipating and looking forward to them, in fact. But, lately, my life has been a blur of changes. I'm sitting here, on the floor of my apt, so thankful. It's hard to believe I've been living in Columbia for almost seven years. SO much has occurred during the transition from high school to college student and from college student to (by God's grace) full functioning adult. It's easy to get lost in a current struggle and forget all that the Lord has done. There's a verse in Psalms 40: 

"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." Psalm 40:5

How could I ever begin to explain all that God has done? Truth is, I can't. Even though I have literally no idea what the future holds, there is an overwhelming sense of peace that I can ONLY attribute to Jesus.

 The other night I was driving to meet a friend...It was dark and I could see the moon beneath a very cloudy night. As I drove further on, a song came on my iPod...quite honestly, it wasn't the best, most uplifting song..AT all. (cough, Avril Lavigne) But it was a song that could have most definitely described my past thought pattern. In the middle of the song I thought, "wait a minute..I do care what the heck.." So I changed it to the next shuffled song...and I almost cried. It was a song I remember listening to in London...at Starbucks, after a really long day. It's called "The Message" by Coldplay. 

My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes on
You don't have to be alone
Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it's so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say, "I don't mean that"
You're the target that I'm aiming at
Got to get that message home

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say, "I don't mean that"
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown
And I've got to get that message home

As I kept driving I noticed the light that I had originally thought was the moon, was actually a spotlight coming from the ground. One light, just one...that illuminated the sky and drew others toward it. It was a beautiful reminder from God. Truth is, when all else is stripped away...friends, family, possessions, apartments, cars, phones, even the very clothes we wear..it's just us and God. I know that the next few months are going to be challenging...but in the midst of all that I don't know, one thing I do. God is God..and He has my back. Love never fails and His light never fades. 

Falling or Flying

Fear is contagious. I wasn’t truly aware of this concept until recently. I was on a trip to Avila beach, CA with my sweet cousins. We decided to walk on the pier overlooking the Pacific. It was a beautiful, clear day. There were cliffs in the distance and an incredible ocean view guided your eyes straight ahead. As we walked on and the shore started to become distant, I heard my younger cousin exclaim, “I don’t want to go any further! Look at the cracks in the pier!”  At first I just smiled. You know, being the “brave adult” I assured her we wouldn’t fall through. Her fears became a little louder the further we went out.  Suddenly, I noticed I was starting to look down as well. ”That water did look awfully deep and we were pretty far out. Did they really have to make the boards that far apart?”  Slowly I stopped enjoying the breeze blowing through my hair and started focusing on each and every crack. I silently wished we could turn back. I breathed a sigh of relief with every step taken that didn’t result in a fall.  Half way across, a still voice seemed to whisper to my heart...”Look up”.  So I did, with a huge gulp of fear lodging itself in my throat.  I just stared out at that gorgeous, blue water. And just like that I stopped worrying about the boards under my feet and started to enjoy the view again. 


Funny thing is, either way, looking at the boards or looking up I wasn’t falling. Yet, so much potential joy was stolen away as I focused on the fear and what if’s of each step.  I could still technically see the ocean... through the cracks, that is. What a tiny view of things when all I had to do was look up to see the big picture. 


I feel as though I’m on the precipice of something…wanting to take the leap, fearing the fall.  I can’t see…at least I claim I can’t. In reality, God has been telling me to open my eyes all along, hasn’t He? He says to set my mind on things above, set my eyes on the risen Son. I am afraid of loneliness. I am afraid of being wrong. I am afraid of failure. All of these things, which I claim in my thoughts to be alone in, are universal concepts that I’m sure everyone has struggled with.  I haven’t been taking things day by day. I’ve been trying to conquer a lifetime of fears in a day…I get overwhelmed and then I just decide to give up.  We go where our gaze rests. I learned this concept when I was 6 years old and learning to figure skate. “Don’t look at the ground”, my coach would state….”Or, you are going to end up there! “  Where we fix our gaze each day determines what type of life we live in the end.

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:1-2

Thirsty?

This morning I had the bright idea to run 10 miles. This would have been fine if I had thought ahead and hydrated myself. Instead, around mile 7 I started to get a little dizzy and I knew that what I needed was some H2O. With every step into the pavement all I could think about was water. The chant in my head became the beat I ran to. Running down the road I saw a hope...a Hardees sign. (Not exactly my first choice for food but I really didn't care at this point.) I rerouted and headed straight for the door. Needless to say I got some looks...I can't imagine why. I, honestly, quite impatiently waited at the cash register for someone to notice the dehydrated, heavy breathing girl...only to be told that a cup of water was 25 cents. A quarter turns out to be a lot when you don't have one. (Parking meters anyone?) I was slightly frustrated but turned around and ran right back out. (Apparently I'm stronger than I think, or that door was lighter than I thought it was..but there may have been a slam) I wasn't THAT mad...

The thought struck me...(in the midst of the rest of the three mile sprint back to my apartment) how thirsty our world is. Let's be honest, there are a lot of short-term fixes for those thirsts. But we just end up thirsty again don't we? I had to smile as I thought of the woman at the well and how perplexed she must have been when Jesus told her He was "living water".

..."When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?". The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews did not associated with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you could have asked him and he would have given you living water." "Sir" the woman said, "You have nothing to draw with and this well is deep. Where can you get this living water?" Jesus Answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." ~John 4:7,9-11,13-14

I'm not proud of the fact that I got an attitude about the 25 cent cup...but how many times do we get that reaction when we tell someone about living water? Sometimes we encounter hurt and anger in this world. Life bruises us and our empty water glasses just keep adding up. People are aching and thirsty. Sometimes that hurt translates as apathy or anger. I know that used to be the case for me. Guess what? The water that we need the MOST is absolutely FREE for us because of what Jesus did. We can't earn it. We can't pay for it. "You see at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possible dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Just revel in that thought today. While we were powerless to help ourselves, God helped us. Isn't is beautiful how Jesus takes something we understand to teach us something infinitely deeper? We all understand thirst. It's a part of what we experience day after day. I pray we thirst for him like water. May He become what we run to.